Break-Up Rules of Engagement: Family

Okay so we've been gone for a minute, but that's only because we're all out and about in the world trying to reach our goals in life.

I've been talking with several of my male and female friends and we've all come to the conclusion that there is a plethora of people that don't understand how break-ups work.  What I mean is: when our relationship ends, your relationship with my family should end as well.  RULE # 2 of my Break-Up Rules of Engagement: Cut the ties to your ex’s family.

Drake said it best, "I wish she'd stop checkin’ up on women I can't stand 'cause I got new girls I could use her opinion on."  It's incredibly annoying to have your mother or dad bring up that she/he recently spoke with your ex when you’re introducing or discussing someone new.  “Your mom started messaging me and I didn’t want to be rude,” says the ex.  While I do appreciate you not being rude to my mother I’d really like to know why you didn’t just delete her when you deleted me.  Don’t worry because my mother and everyone else in my family will get this same talk.  

Letting someone go but remaining attached to their family creates an unnecessary tension within a family and between the new and old partner.  Even if you were really meant to be together you’re not giving the person the opportunity to see they made a mistake you’re just proving why you’re an ex.  If I was to find out you had been discussing our relationship with one of my parents, you’d be dead to me.  Personally, if I had access to my mother’s Facebook account like I had to her MySpace I’d block my ex’s. 

Naturally, most kids do the opposite of what their parents advise, so having their family on your side could put the individual against you. - Clarence

Sensitive Side

"I was taught the true definition of a man was to never cry, work til you tired, got to provide. Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means, and give you the things that you need." - Musiq Soulchild, TeachMe

As boys we were taught or we deduced that being a man meant showing no fear, keeping our emotions hidden, and never admitting you're wrong. I’m here to tell you those were probably the most counterproductive lies we were told, and in this day and age those beliefs can keep many males from reaching MANhood.

If you’re going for the heartless mysterious bad boy then first off you’re on the wrong blog. Secondly, that only last for so long. Finally, you’re going to be one lonely old man, IF you survive that long because real street dudes kill pretenders. Let me get back to the MESSAGE I’m trying to send to you. We’re only human, we all experience fear and sadness at some point. Hiding what you feel adversely affects your relationships. Why would she turn to you when she’s vulnerable if she doesn’t believe you can empathize with and comfort her?

I’m not saying you had to break down and cry when the Heat didn’t win (even though it was a traumatic experience and worth a tear or two), but I am saying that taking the emotionless route will fail you more often than not.  I guarantee that if you took at least 5 minutes to open up to your chick about you, your past, or your feelings the dynamic of your relationship would change for the better. -Clarence

Break-Up Rules of Engagement: Venting

So this is something I’m guilty of and it JUST went down in the nastiest of ways.  An important step in moving up from being a MALE to a MAN is maturity.  Since the rise of social media sites began relationships have gone South in the grimiest of ways, but it’s not necessarily because of cheating or flirting.  The main problem people seem to face is knowing when and when not to vent.

I recently took the childish route and did some venting on Twitter after receiving information I wasn’t particularly fond of.  I laughed at some real creep shit my friends said and ended up costing myself a great friend.  She’s heartbroken and so thrown by what took place that she fled the city.  There’s no telling what kind of psychological damage I did, and now this chick will forever resent and hate me.

Alright, I said all that just to give you RULE # 1 of my Break-Up Rules of Engagement (R.o.E): Never vent on ANY social media site about your EX or soon to be EX, ESPECIALLY if your privacy settings don’t restrict who sees it.  It honestly makes you look like an idiot and if you have any kind of conscience you’ll most likely feel like crap if you get the pleasure of listening to her burst into tears on the phone.  The mature thing to do would be to take what you hear or whatever’s bothering you to her and discuss it like a grown MAN should do.

Life is easier when you eliminate the childish options from your thought process. I'll let you in on some of my other rules of engagement later.- Clarence

Follow @JokerRed229

Look Your Best. ALWAYS.

Its somewhat surprising to me just how little some guys actually put into their actual appearance and hygiene. & that's not because their appearance & hygiene is impeccable.

One of my female Facebook friends threw up a status earlier in the week saying how she was amazed that so many guys look dirty & their clothes are raggedy…& yet their kicks are fresh. While it is very true that women pay attention to what's on our feet, PLEASE don't for a second believe that any shoe in the world will distract enough to take attention away from your busted-up-ness. Your appearance is a reflection of your mental state. Its how YOU view you. & it also serves as a guideline for how others should view you & treat you.

Think of a homeless man w/ rundown clothes, body odors, unkept hair & whatnot & how most people react to them. I'm not taking shots at the less fortunate, I'm just getting you to picture a reality. I've been next to people who had new clothes on (donations) w/ other people right under them & it wasn't until they asked for some change that you could tell they were actually homeless . When you throw on that "dress for success" gear, fresh/clean clothes, or a white T-shirt to your ankles w/ slippers on, you tend to attract those wearing what you're wearing.

I love how Kanye talked about being self-conscious on his All Falls Down track. His is a bit over the top w/ his self-consciousness, but I like it better than not being that way at all. I'm not saying go wear a suit every place you go, but understand that a 1st impression can be your greatest weapon or your greatest weakness. You decide. You may forget a person's name, what they wore when you saw them, or even the things you heard them say. But you will ALWAYS remember your 1st impression of them, no matter what they do afterwards. If you were to bump into the person that would handle your job interview tomorrow looking & also ACTING a mess, guess who wouldn't be getting that 2nd interview?

Eliminate the negativity around you & draw the positivity to you by always LOOKING good, SMELLING good, SOUNDING good, & promoting yourself like the business you are. You are your own brand. To get any place in life you have GOT to sell yourself. But if you sound wrong, look wrong, and act wrong, nobody will focus on what you have to say because all that other mess is overpowering your sale. Start getting yourself on point if you're not already and watch your social life, professional life, love life, & just about everything else improve. DRAMATICALLY. -Donny