Break-Up Rules of Engagement: Family

Okay so we've been gone for a minute, but that's only because we're all out and about in the world trying to reach our goals in life.

I've been talking with several of my male and female friends and we've all come to the conclusion that there is a plethora of people that don't understand how break-ups work.  What I mean is: when our relationship ends, your relationship with my family should end as well.  RULE # 2 of my Break-Up Rules of Engagement: Cut the ties to your ex’s family.

Drake said it best, "I wish she'd stop checkin’ up on women I can't stand 'cause I got new girls I could use her opinion on."  It's incredibly annoying to have your mother or dad bring up that she/he recently spoke with your ex when you’re introducing or discussing someone new.  “Your mom started messaging me and I didn’t want to be rude,” says the ex.  While I do appreciate you not being rude to my mother I’d really like to know why you didn’t just delete her when you deleted me.  Don’t worry because my mother and everyone else in my family will get this same talk.  

Letting someone go but remaining attached to their family creates an unnecessary tension within a family and between the new and old partner.  Even if you were really meant to be together you’re not giving the person the opportunity to see they made a mistake you’re just proving why you’re an ex.  If I was to find out you had been discussing our relationship with one of my parents, you’d be dead to me.  Personally, if I had access to my mother’s Facebook account like I had to her MySpace I’d block my ex’s. 

Naturally, most kids do the opposite of what their parents advise, so having their family on your side could put the individual against you. - Clarence

What's Your Type?

A common question that you hear from guys to girls & girls to guys all the time, & even in conversation amongst the fellas or the chicas: what's your type? What kind of person grabs your interest? What's your wifey or hubby type? But I'm gonna break down for you why its important to ask YOURSELF what your type is.

I was having an interesting convo with a woman not too long ago about relationships, love, etc & eventually she asked me the question in question: what's your type? As I always do when asked this, I paused, because I never think about it unless I'm asked & I'm a broad guy. I personally don't have an exact type, I have types. I require the same things out of all my interest as far as personality, spirituality & intelligence goes, but physical (which the word "type" usually means) usually comes down to how she's proportioned, so it can really vary (FYI bottom heavy > top heavy LOL).

1 of the reasons I have no 1, ideal physical type is because I love the female species period, & they come in so many varieties, I'd be doing myself a disservice by only being interested in 1 tiny part of the population.

Most important to me however, & hopefully a lot of other fellas, is the internal over the external. I'm young, so don't get it twisted. I'm not saying I go for grandmas or women w/ handicaps, & I'm not advising anyone else to either. But I am saying if a woman has a sparkling personality, a heart of gold, loves God, intelligence, great conversation skills & crazy sex appeal, I'm not going to skip over her just because she's dark skinned & not light skinned. Or has a slightly above average figure & not a ::in my Frank Ocean voice:: stripper booty & a rack like woooooow.

There is nothing wrong with being picky, young sirs. We are fly, young gentlemen building ourselves into better people & better men. & that alone makes us valuable & deserving of having a selective choice about who we give our affections to. However, if you're going to be picky, be picky about the right things. It might be too soon for you to think long term, but an ass shrinks (or slumps), boobs sag, & looks fade. Sometimes much sooner than you expect. I always say that looks are the audition but its what's on the inside that gets you the role. If you're going to be picky, be picky about her personality, her smarts, her spirituality (if that's important to you) & other things on the inside that will ALWAYS be there. Don't pass up your perfect gift over some wrapping paper.

So ask yourself: WHAT'S YOUR TYPE? -Donny

Sensitive Side

"I was taught the true definition of a man was to never cry, work til you tired, got to provide. Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means, and give you the things that you need." - Musiq Soulchild, TeachMe

As boys we were taught or we deduced that being a man meant showing no fear, keeping our emotions hidden, and never admitting you're wrong. I’m here to tell you those were probably the most counterproductive lies we were told, and in this day and age those beliefs can keep many males from reaching MANhood.

If you’re going for the heartless mysterious bad boy then first off you’re on the wrong blog. Secondly, that only last for so long. Finally, you’re going to be one lonely old man, IF you survive that long because real street dudes kill pretenders. Let me get back to the MESSAGE I’m trying to send to you. We’re only human, we all experience fear and sadness at some point. Hiding what you feel adversely affects your relationships. Why would she turn to you when she’s vulnerable if she doesn’t believe you can empathize with and comfort her?

I’m not saying you had to break down and cry when the Heat didn’t win (even though it was a traumatic experience and worth a tear or two), but I am saying that taking the emotionless route will fail you more often than not.  I guarantee that if you took at least 5 minutes to open up to your chick about you, your past, or your feelings the dynamic of your relationship would change for the better. -Clarence

Break-Up Rules of Engagement: Venting

So this is something I’m guilty of and it JUST went down in the nastiest of ways.  An important step in moving up from being a MALE to a MAN is maturity.  Since the rise of social media sites began relationships have gone South in the grimiest of ways, but it’s not necessarily because of cheating or flirting.  The main problem people seem to face is knowing when and when not to vent.

I recently took the childish route and did some venting on Twitter after receiving information I wasn’t particularly fond of.  I laughed at some real creep shit my friends said and ended up costing myself a great friend.  She’s heartbroken and so thrown by what took place that she fled the city.  There’s no telling what kind of psychological damage I did, and now this chick will forever resent and hate me.

Alright, I said all that just to give you RULE # 1 of my Break-Up Rules of Engagement (R.o.E): Never vent on ANY social media site about your EX or soon to be EX, ESPECIALLY if your privacy settings don’t restrict who sees it.  It honestly makes you look like an idiot and if you have any kind of conscience you’ll most likely feel like crap if you get the pleasure of listening to her burst into tears on the phone.  The mature thing to do would be to take what you hear or whatever’s bothering you to her and discuss it like a grown MAN should do.

Life is easier when you eliminate the childish options from your thought process. I'll let you in on some of my other rules of engagement later.- Clarence

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